I often used to wonder why most Indian women get married so early -- the average age being 23-24 years old. I would always ask myself: Isn’t being “free” (from responsibilities and a lifetime commitment) a better life, at least when you are that young?
At 28, after being away from home on my own for the first time ever and having tasted real freedom, I found the answer! Not only that, I, who was marriage phobic, and I, who wanted to maintain my non-married status for as long as I could, wanted to be “tied down.” Let me explain if it isn’t making any sense…
Compared to my Western girl friends, most of whom got their wings to fly when they were teenagers, I decided to get out of my nest some two years back to pursue my Masters degree. During my stay in London away from parents, I started questioning my bringing up as I learnt more about myself and what it meant to be FREE. I had never known the other way so I never felt odd being questioned for little things like where I was, with whom and what for.
My Indian parents are still the most liberal in the family, if you asked me, but they are overly protective and concerned, especially my dad. The truth is this desire to protect us, even when borne out of genuine concern, is a cage. It limits our choices and opportunities and prevents us from discovering our worth and strengths.
I am getting married late this year and my man is just the sort of guy I wanted for myself – someone who gives me my flying space. I hope my 24-year old cousin, who is tying the knot in two weeks, gets the same from her husband-to-be.
I caught her online last week and asked if she was all perked up for her big day. She said she was nervous as her “days of independence are coming to an end.”
I hope she’s proved wrong and gets to fly high to explore the unknown just like I did in London and would after marriage.
3 comments:
Having been brought up in the European culture of independence, living abroad did not make me want to settle down, but to travel to even more places... So basically even if we think we fight them, we're always back to our cultures...
Very interesting - and maybe concerning - views on commitment anyway...
And I am sure you'll have the dream wedding that will confort you in your choices darling...
bisous xxx camille
Neha, this approach of yours is the reason why I am one of the biggest fan of your upcoming wedding. Self-fulfilling your own desire of freedom within the relationship with your man is a great achievement and a state of bliss for both. It'll be a success and I am so excited for you!
It's good to see your husband gave you the independence you wanted. I felt tied down with my husband, supphocated rather and i am sure i am not alone. In a lot of cultures, it's common for a woman to abide to a man's rule. Afterall, he is the head of the family. Nafisa_Jaan
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