Creating Identity or Killing it? (Photo:Web)

A potential mum-in-law took one look at my skirt and boots combination and asked - rather pointedly - if I could drape a saree around myself. I answered no. The silence stretched out uncomfortably between us as I drew conclusions from her question and she took in my answer. Underlying that question was the real issue – “are you the traditional daughter-in-law I want for my son?”

To provide you with some background; I recently turned 28, and the pressure to get married is mounting up. During my recent trips to India, my family and relatives tried to introduce me to eligible bachelors and I was asked to have a “casual” meeting with a US-based guy and his parents.

While I was wrestling with what to wear for the meeting, I decided to go in something I felt comfortable and confident in. Also, something that depicted a true picture of myself. My Indian relatives would have preferred me going in something traditional, but for me, wearing saree isn`t my cup of tea as I find the 5-6 meter cloth dragging all over the place, and as for salwaar kameez, I didn’t have any at that point.

I am not going to go on about my meeting with this family anymore as the outcome of it was a mere waste of time for us and for them, but it made me question whether wearing a dress out of compulsion of traditional/religious values a good idea when it makes us feel less confident?

A Muslim woman I once met during the veil debate triggered by Jack Straw said every Muslim woman should wear a niqab as it is a part of Islamic culture. She also told me how wearing one gives her a sense of confidence, protection and identity. While I would feel completely the opposite way if I were to wear a saree out of cultural compulsions, and rather oppressed.

I may never understand the need to wear something even if one doesn’t feel like, but I salute those who are willing to go through the staring, the uneasiness, the loss of identity in the name of protecting their culture.